Travel in Bangkok is surprisingly easy. Cabs are everywhere. Indeed there are more of them than any other car. Most are metered unless you ask them to go anywhere out of their way, and then they turn off the meter and you have to negotiate. Alternatively you can take one of the Tuk Tuks which are more expensive, but also faster and more fun.

A note about Koh San Road.

Travelers through Bankok winging it on a tight budget usually find their way to Koh San Road – Mecca for the weary traveler. The street is lined with cheap hotels, cheap restaurants, travel agencies, Internet cafes, and interestingly, a few used bookstores. In addition, are the little stalls running up and down the street selling all the tourist crap that you can find cheaper elsewhere – sarongs, silk boxers, t-shirts, knives, fake student ids, belts and Buddas. Most of the restaurants are showing American action flicks on big screen TVs. It is as

A note about Tuk Tuks.

A Tuk Tuk is a three-wheeled contraption with the front like a motorcycle and the back like a carriage. Since it is not covered, you breathe the choking fumes of a city that has no emissions standards, and most Tuk Tuk drivers wear a facemask much like a surgeon would wear. An insane Thai with a death wish usually drives them. When I was young, I wanted to be an astronaut. When I got older, it was racecars, and lately I've had my eye on driving an ambulance. But all that's behind me now. I wanna be a Tuk Tuk driver. My last driver was Bom and I think Bom was about the coolest guy I ever met. Bom is a crazy, brown, little, Thai of indeterminate age, in white wraparound sunshades and flipflops. He smokes a cigar, presumably his way of filtering the nasty street fumes, and is constantly yelling, at me, pedestrians, other drivers, the trees, the sky, or no one in particular. I think his horn was broken because he would always yell MMMAAAAAAAAAAAMMMP! At the other cars when he wanted them out of his way. Which wasn't as often as you might expect since Bom was quite comfortable straddling the lanes, driving on the wrong side, and shortcutting through crowded ally ways at high speeds. He charged about three times the going rate, but I felt so blessed to be on steady ground again that I still tipped him.

A note about elephants.

Koh Samui offered a number of different elephant rides into the island, and many of my friends had suggested I try it. Now I really believe in trying everything possible when one is travelling, but I have to say I never had any intention of riding any elephants. Here's why: I think elephants are at least as intelligent as we are. It's in the eyes. Elephants once ruled the earth as miniature dinosaurs. Occasionally the hairless monkeys would give an elephant some trouble, but by and large the elephant community was free to walkabout in the sun contemplating existential philosophies and peanuts. And when they weren't looking, the monkeys began to make better use of their thumbs and their brains, and went on to invent wheels, fire, asphalt pinball machines -- and guns. Suddenly being big and stompy wasn't the blessing it used to be. Turned out that being small and clever was the way to go. I tend to agree, but I don't see the point in rubbing their faces in it by making them carry me on their backs. So when I look at an elephant, it's completely clear to me that he would much prefer trying to ride on my back than me on his, and would just as soon go ahead and stomp me into Michael-goo as look at me, but would get shot if he tried it. On the other hand if he carries me, he does get a peanut. I would rather save the both of us that embarrassment.

A note about Japanese holidays.

Twice a year, the Japanese become giddy with joy, prancing about the countryside like ferrets on ecstasy. The first occasion is the annual cherry blossom festival (hanami). For one week in April, the cherry blossoms decide which week, the Japanese careen about the hot spots in droves watching the beautiful blossoms descend from the trees like pink snow. Also Thanksgiving/Labor Day(Kinro Kansha-no-hi) brings them all to Kyoto to watch the autumn leaves turn color, and to test their English on the only gaijin dumb enough to try to get a hotel and sightsee during the busy weekend -- me. I went directly from Narita airport through Tokyo on the Shinkensen, the superfast bullet train, to Kyoto, fully expecting that between my lonely planet travel guide, my list of inns and hotels gleaned from the internet, and resources at the train station, I would be able to find someplace to stay even if I had to shell out some serious yen to do it. But there was nothing. Not a room anywhere. I began to wonder if it was a conspiracy of some sort, not by the Japanese, but by God to once again make me a victim of my own folly. Finally I managed to find a bed in a remote youth hostel an hour's bus ride away from central Kyoto. I had no choice. Dorm style accommodations were not what I had in mind when I planned this trip, but on the other hand, I'd probably save myself a mint by not staying at their expensive hotels. I also got the pleasure of eating every meal with a table full of giddy vacationing Japanese, and I think I can say with a small amount of pride that I did us well.

A note on eating in Japan.

Living in California has allowed me any number of occasions to use chopsticks. Asian food is very popular here, particularly in San Francisco. The Japanese never failed to be impressed and even amazed at my ability to eat with chopsticks. And I was determined to show every bit as much savvy and skill as them in eating in this rather strange manner, despite the obvious fact that some of the things we were served would be far more easily ingested with the help of a knife and fork. Allow me to elaborate. To eat a pork chop, slide it to the edge of the plate until a bite sized portion hangs over the edge, raise the plate to the level of the mouth and grip the meat in your teeth. Use the chopsticks to somehow tear the meat away from your teeth. I didn't invent this. That's how they do it. To eat a fried chicken wing or drumstick, grip it in your chopsticks, and quickly throw it towards your mouth before it can slip through them. Manipulate the meat with the chopsticks and your lips until you can take a bite without biting through bone. To eat noodles, grip a few in your chopsticks and place them between your lips. Now making as much noise as possible and spraying as much broth as you can around the table suck the noodles into your mouth. To eat rice, hold the dish just below your mouth and scoop the rice in fast enough to make your hand a blur. Then spend the rest of your life individually getting every last grain, or go hungry and give them up as a lost cause. To eat eggs cooked in an omelet style, cut a bite sized portion using one chopstick as a knife. Now using both chopsticks attempt to carry this greasy, rubbery, slippery morsel into your mouth. You will almost certainly cut it into two greasy, rubbery, slippery morsels so try the same thing with them -- with the same results. Continue for as long as you have patience trying not to think of Zeno's paradox, which states that you could conceivably be doing this forever.